invitan: (Default)
[personal profile] invitan
Gosh, career crisis is nasty.

Sometimes I wish I could just redo everything. Stop before it was too late. Before I fell in love with stories, and no longer was able to go on without them. Stop when numbers were still fascinating, and coding a viable mystery. Stop as mom and dad woke me up from this lavish dream, telling me that there was no going back.

When I look back on my life, it seems like a walking pile of wasted potentials. I did not take chances when I could; I did not take risks when I should.

But maybe everyone has those moments.

Middle school screwed me up so badly and its effect still lingered around at times. But it helped me filter people, and helped me learn to be fake; except that it was absolutely exhausting to act fake all the time.

Back to my career crisis. Everything I read recently only seemed to discourage me more from venturing into real movie-making, and it was exhausting. Meanwhile, I keep getting distracted by irrelevant things.

Or maybe I just have a big ego. Maybe both.

Jeez, never mind.
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