Japan... and rambling

[invitan]

*Smile* Sometimes I do wonder if I really like Japan at all. Especially since last November. Yeah, right, I was too occupied by overwhelming schoolwork and getting accustomed to this new place, but it does not mean I have ceased to read manga, watch anime, J-drama and listen to J-pop.

I don't really like the way I am becoming now. Somehow standing in a neutral position and be the observer is much more easier to breathe. I hate making decision about something and I hate making up my mind. I hate when I have to admit I like Japan, and I hate to appear as a Japan addict in front of their eyes.

I, in one way or another, really want to look like a normal decent nerd.

I do love study, which is why I hate the way I am now. I hate the sleepiness that takes over my eyelids during lessons, which might result in terrible consequences if it's not for I have already learnt those things.

I hate it when I cannot make any progress. I hate it when I fail the exam... twice. And I truly hate it when I cannot be number one.

Yes, tell me that I'm too ambitious and arrogant and competitive.

I SWEAR I'm gonna top class. Yeah, I SWEAR!

*sigh for my own stupidity*