Japan... and rambling

[invitan]

*Smile* Sometimes I do wonder if I really like Japan at all. Especially since last November. Yeah, right, I was too occupied by overwhelming schoolwork and getting accustomed to this new place, but it does not mean I have ceased to read manga, watch anime, J-drama and listen to J-pop.

I don't really like the way I am becoming now. Somehow standing in a neutral position and be the observer is much more easier to breathe. I hate making decision about something and I hate making up my mind. I hate when I have to admit I like Japan, and I hate to appear as a Japan addict in front of their eyes.

I, in one way or another, really want to look like a normal decent nerd.

I do love study, which is why I hate the way I am now. I hate the sleepiness that takes over my eyelids during lessons, which might result in terrible consequences if it's not for I have already learnt those things.

I hate it when I cannot make any progress. I hate it when I fail the exam... twice. And I truly hate it when I cannot be number one.

Yes, tell me that I'm too ambitious and arrogant and competitive.

I SWEAR I'm gonna top class. Yeah, I SWEAR!

*sigh for my own stupidity*

Comments

[andyprue.livejournal.com]

Well at least take it as a consolidation that you're so much better than some people already (points at self) :(

I'm exactly someone that you don't wanna be. I stand as a Japan-lover and anime-manga (or rather One Piece, recently)-addict in front of my friends and parents' eyes. I don't love study at all (except for a few subjects, but still), and I let the sleepiness take over during classes even if it's gonna have horrible consequences (at least that doesn't happen too often now). And...well, I'm resigned to the fact that I'm too lazy to work on becoming the best, that study like this is enough - even if sometimes I'm mad at myself for that, but a lazy person stays a lazy person.

At least be happy that you're gonna carry out your determination. I never can.

Cheer up XD

[invitan.livejournal.com]

Is that supposed to be a consolidation ;___; Because I'm even more discouraged now (as if I haven't been enough >___<)

My homesick have been making me suffered for several days now (since last Saturday when I went out to a Vietnamese restaurant), and the time when we brought up the subject of how our friends back in Vietnam have progressed nearly maddened me ;__; My grade has been failing pathetically and I'm feeling hopelessly hopeless. And to think how far you guys in Vietnam ahead of us... >__<

I definitely have to write something brighter next time, or else I'll forever be stuck to angst mode. Thanks for cheering me up anyway XD

[andyprue.livejournal.com]

Aha ha...well, sorry then 8D"

Really, that's too bad :( Ya know, everything comes with a price. You may think here we're so much ahead of you, but in reality when you go to the university phase you'll see how better Singapore's schools are. And, well, you get to be living in a constant speaking English world which many people dream for but couldn't achieve (even though it comes with the price of constant homesickness, I know I would too).

Yes, angst mode be gone XD I have to run for bed now, see ya :* *thousands of kisses ♥*